2026-01-26_2

a demo

i’m playing with my new commodore 64 and trying out some demos that come with the machine. i don’t have a monitor yet so i just plug the audio channel into the speaker and leave the composite signal unplugged. i’m able to run a demo, beautiful generative SID music plays. all 3 channels must be set to triangle waves with long envelopes. i’m able to change the filter type with the function keys on the right of the c64. i switch to band pass. the music sounds resonant, clicky, and warm. the SIDs filter is slightly driven, i can tell this is the original chip. i’m in love with the machine. legendary demoscener lft is there. he tells me calmly that the graphics timing of this demo isn’t perfect, but it sounds quite nice with the monitor unplugged.

my mom walks in and asks to use the computer, i tell her this is the wrong kind of computer, and i point to the laptop across the table. suddenly, i hear a beautiful, resonant chirp coming from the machine. i’m confused, this couldn’t be coming from the demo. it’s out of time with the music and the machine code doesn’t include an interrupt. and besides, this sounds like a sample, not a channel on the SID. ah, i understand now, this is an error sample playing on the built in speaker on my c64ultimate, which is a hardware emulation, of course this would’ve been impossible on original hardware.

but what does the error mean? is there a hardware issue? i see my bedroom window, i’m awake. am i really awake? the error message continues. it’s a bird outside, with an almost digital sounding call. i’m in tennesse, and the birds are new. i wish i knew the species.

(sound is a dramatic recreation with eurorack synthesizer, until i get my c64ultimate)

2026-01-26

ice falling from the dark side of the tree as the sun gradually reaches it

“falling”. i helped a little (marcus did it better)

2025-12-18

blue

the rain falling when i’m thinking of you is starting to become a pattern. not always the dark thoughts, as i’ve learned. but today, more blue

2025-12-08

(onward)

last night. feeling thankful for all that you’ve given me. I wish I knew what was next, but now isn’t the time for knowing

2025-12-06

perfect

exploring reed-based instruments with david & lani

2025-12-04

joys not in this life

I usually use this space for the beautiful moments (for me), but the reality is, I spent much of my time in central LA face to face with my auditory processing disorder, pretty much completely exhausted every day. spent a lot of time thinking about what living with this condition means. there’s something beautiful behind every rhythm of life, behind everyone in a moment just being themselves, but sometimes all of at once it is too much for this mind. maybe it’s too much to appreciate, like a cake with too much sweetness that I just can’t enjoy, no matter how much I want to. it weighs down on me, but at the same time it means I can enjoy the silence that much more.

(thanks diva for the stim toy, it helps)

2025-11-23

casual small concerts

I made music in a plant shop for a big group of friends because it was a concert and people came to see me but before that i think I made some better music for a small group of friends during soundcheck because we wanted something to listen to while we set up gear & waited for everyone to arrive

2025-11-17

k-town

starting to feel like home (for now)

2025-11-15

a

rainy night and a text to to help me remember what I felt during it

2025-10-25

in the atrium

synthesizing in chinatown. what a gift to get to know others trough their instruments 🌈