met so many urban corvids in both portland and central LA. got to observe some of their adaptions, too, like breaking nuts by dropping them on hard pavement. and I didn’t even even know they like to make these songs! wherever I end up permanently I hope to get to know them more

despite familiar terrain, landing in koreatown was rough this time. was glad to have a chance to escape the noise, if only for a moment

hi, my name is And. i’m an artist on the autism spectrum. this is a video of me playing a steinway grand piano for the first time at the portland airport. i am disabled. though i’m able to travel, airports, like many public places, are a very difficult place for me to exist. i suffer from (sometimes intense) auditory processing challenges, photosensitivity, communication differences, generalized anxiety, among other difficulties. i face these challenges every day, but certain spaces are far less accessible than others, and little support exists.

those on the spectrum also experience special interests — obsessions or fascinations that when engaged with properly are often very healing. sometimes it’s the only escape from pain that’s easily within grasp. my special interest is music. in this moment, just for a time when my fingers touched the keys, my feet on the pedals, the piano was a sponge. an intense feeling of dread, from the space, from everything in my life falling apart & coming back together, flowed outward through the music. everything i knew about myself came into focus, i could look into a mirror without fear or hatred, i could feel love without guilt, i could see clearly. i could feel a sense of joy that struggling in a neurotypical world could not contain, and i wonder if just for a moment, this feeling can reach you though your screen. i wonder these feelings can translate & i wonder if i can feel a bit less alone in a world that’s trying to erase people like me and so many of far less privilege.

[originally written on instagram]

small slice of constant magic in NE portland

fumbling with analog electronics at barn. I like the crowd’s reaction – that they felt comfortable breaking the silence for a moment

a cicaida caught in the lights while we load up the storage unit (I think I can relate)

hard to summarize for all (none?) of you here but over the last 12 months i’ve felt the most intense pain and joy of my life. i’m in fear of losing almost everything but last night i was overwhelmed with an intense euphoria for being alive. sounded a bit like this